As someone who finds himself staring at the beer boards in my local pubs more often than I should, I'm frequently struck by how shit, sexist or simply embarrassing some of the beer names are. On the one hand you have the plain and straight down the line beer names that tell you simply the brewery and the style of beer, such as Redemption London Porter. Occasionally, the name may indicate the type of hop used,eg, Oakham Citra or Crouch Vale Amarillo. These are good names because they give you an indication of what you can expect when you buy your pint.
However, there are beers out there with names so skin crawlingly cringeworthy they do the opposite from what was originally intended and rather than entice you in to try and buy them, I find they force me away from them. I'm sure you have all seen them in your visit to the pub.
These are the beers with silly puns, double entendres, smutty Spoonerisms or just plain shit names. Some of them are usually accompanied by pumpclips that would bring a smile to the face of Benny Hill's corpse or strike a chord with sacked Sky Sports presenters.
So, in no particular order, here's my Dirty Dozen of Crap Beer Names -
North Yorkshire Love Muscle
Houston's Helga's Big Jugs and Top Totty
Nelson's Friggin' in the Riggin' and Spanker
Great Oakley's Gobble
Northumberland's Cupid Stunt
Fuzzy Duck's Cunning Stunt
Sandstone's Buxom Barmaid
Art Brew's Spanked Monkey
Suthwyk's Old Dick
Going by some of those names, I wouldn't be surprised if Mrs Grimshaw's Poorly Packed Kebab IPA makes an appearance soon in pubs around the country.
It must be a hoot for female barstaff when asked for the 15th time that night, "Can I have two Gobbles and a Spanked Monkey, please?", "Would you like a taste of my Old Dick?" or "Are you pulling my Love Muscle?"
There are no doubt worse beer names out there than the ones I have listed but as long as it gives the punters a laugh and the opportunity to snigger up their sleeves, then that's alright then? Or is it? With more females trying beer isn't it time that these type of beer names got consigned to the past? My partner likes beer and so do some of her friends. They shy away from these beers simply because of the name. How many more feel the same way?
Quite a few I would reckon.